What If???

Have you ever looked back in life and thought about what if...?
Many of us do this usually it is when we find ourselves discontent with what is currently happening in our life. We wonder what if I had stayed in _______ ? What if I had stayed with ______? What if I had married _______ ? What if I had stayed in School? < This is a big one for some!

As I wrote in a previous post a couple of years ago which I have copied to this site titled Looking Backwards I was blessed with the ability to search for and find people easily. This is creepy to some people but it keeps them on my good side. I think in the business or credit industry it is referred to as skip tracing, the ability to take many different pieces of information and bring them all together to find the true location of or contact information for a person.
I have done this research on not only myself but for a few friends as well and for the most part I have found that it was a really good thing we did not choose the other road on some occasions the people or places we chose to separate ourselves from look as though they may have turned out ok ...maybe however we cannot be sure.  Take any one person in your life and really question what if I had not met this person. Think of all of the things which have happened to you because you met this one person.
To get really in depth with this project think about your significant other you know the person you are the most up close and personal with. Do you have children together, grandchildren, common friends?  Now think about your life if you had not met this person who would be missing in your life? Would you be living where you are today or was it because of this person that you live where you are?  How has meeting this person affected others?

For me personally I think about the people who have been affected by my decisions to keep or discard a person in my life. I would like to think I have made a significant positive impact on the people whom I have included in my life. I of course really have no way of knowing if I had an impact on people whom I no longer keep in contact with although I do wonder if any of them ever think of me good or bad it would be interesting to know for some of them others though I know would not be good for me to contact. That is a subject for a future blog though.

I recently spoke to one of my daughters I have 4 of them, 6 children altogether with the 2 boys now men although I did not give birth to all of them I consider them all to be my children, because I truly believe at least in my family there are no steps or halves when it comes to family. Family is what you make it I have close friends whom I consider family.
I had often wondered what this particular daughters life would have been like had I not met and eventually married her father. So I asked her she responded with ....

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE difference

Seriously, huge. As in the galaxies have no end huge

I would be a vastly different person, for one thing"

I asked her if she would have the job she has today her reply was...

"Highly doubt it

I think I probably would have 'fallen in love', got pregnant by the wrong guy, and if I was lucky gotten married, unlucky single mom

Seriously doubt I would've pursued art at all, developed self-confidence, become outspoken and standing up when things are wrong

I would've stayed a quiet mouse, probably would've gone crazy with the whole rebellious thing between 16-18, wouldn't have an associate's degree and halfway to a bachelors"

She went on to say much more but basically as you can see by her initial reply she feels that by the decision to date and eventually marry her father I made a difference in her life.  I don't believe everyone thinks about how they have shaped other people's lives by the decisions they have made in the past. I think people think about the past in regrets more than they actually should. Such as I wish I had had this job or that job, or I wished I had moved to this place or that place, married differently said no instead of yes or yes instead of no.  Everything we have done has led us to where we are today good or bad happy or sad. We cannot look back with too much regret in life for we cannot change what has already happened we can only shape the future. But we can think about how are decisions have shaped the lives of others and if needed make better choices for our future and theirs.

We cannot determine how someone will turn out in life just because of what or who they are exposed to an example of this would be in a story my daughter referenced about identical twin boys raised by an alcoholic father. One grows up an alcoholic, other one never touches a drop. When asked why, both boys have the same answer- 'I watched my father'

I hope to also ask each of my children similar questions about decisions I made which I feel affected them significantly, so I plan to expand on this topic.  I do hope I have given everyone of you reading this something to think about and reflect upon about how our choices shape not only our own lives but also the lives of the people we touch.

I am not an expert by any means nor do I have a degree in psychology I just like to study people and question things in life. When we stop questioning we stop learning and when we stop learning we die.  I welcome your comments and questions I will respond usually within a week as I try to stay busy.    Hope to hear from you!