Do we ever .... grow-up?

When I grow up...

Do we ever really grow up?  I find myself constantly searching for my ultimate career path. Currently I am a Realtor in SE Florida I enjoy selling houses love meeting and working with new people.  Finding their little piece of paradise, their place in the sun. I believe that in order to be good at any job you really must enjoy what you are doing.  I have had many jobs I enjoyed doing but none of them as much as creating candles and traveling to various venues craft shows to set up and sell them.  It so far hasn't made me rich and probably never will. I have met many interesting individuals and I enjoy the travel aspect.  I guess I am a bit of a gypsy in that respect. Never have been able to sit still in one location for very long. Being able to travel to to various shows keeps me sated and satisfies my need to roam.

I don't think my father ever really grew up either I remember living in many homes from Missouri to Florida and Tennessee to Texas. In a way it helped me to form friendships quickly but not having the stability of a group of steady comrades to grow up with and share stories of childhood and school with  kind of injured me as well. By the time I was in High School I was ready to give up. Every time we would move and I would start a new school I would either end up behind in what was currently being taught or ahead which would cause me to lose interest. I have learned since then though that I most likely suffered from ADD I am pretty sure my father had it too.  I often refer to this as the OOH Shiny effect seeing something new and exciting and interesting which distracts me from my current goal however as soon as the new wears off I lose interest and it goes undone for a while.

I have since being an adult gotten medication for ADD and WOW the differences in a day with medication and a day without are huge.  I can get so many things accomplished when taking my medication it is amazing even to me, however being ADD sometimes causes me to forget to take it and after a full 24 hours I can see a difference. Go without for 2 days and I am a lost cause again.

But I have gone a bit off topic I was talking about growing up.  I do not think we ever stop growing up we seem to enter seasons in our lives new people come into our lives who either help us grow or pull us down. The secret to continued growth is to steer clear of the people who tend to bring us down. Negative people are unhappy people we need to avoid or at least limit contact to these type of people.  If these people are in our immediate family this can be difficult but not impossible. When someone who you have to be around is spewing negativity it causes ugliness to settle in your gut. I have found the best way to deal with these people is to excuse myself from them if I am on the phone I can tell them I really need to go I have something I need to attend to. They will try to keep you on the phone because misery loves company but you have to be strong to keep your positivity in check. Get off the phone and put their situation or problem out of your mind. If I am in their company I do my best to steer the subject to a neutral topic or excuse myself from them if I can't get the topic changed. Negative people will most often find something negative to say about most any topic you bring up. They do not like to see your happiness because they are miserable.  I am not saying these people can't be changed but it sometimes requires a lot of mental energy and if you become drained of your mental energy then it is like a cut on your skin where infection can enter your body, when you find yourself becoming drained it is best to excuse yourself from the situation until you are stronger so you do not become infected.

Negative people will kill your drive in life so try to limit the negative people you allow yourself to be in the company of or you will have trouble moving ahead and growing.

Until next time always remember ... If you always do what you've always done you will always get what you've always got.... Change makes the difference!

Chaos, Clutter, and Cleanliness

Getting organized again was one of my biggest challenges and something I am constantly trying to achieve.  When I started parenting my young grandchildren 8 years ago it was like having triplets in the house only I did not have a chance to get used to them gradually as most parents do, I got them all at once plus a brother only 2 years older. They were not triplets but other than the oldest none of the rest of them had even a full 15 months between them.  They thought like twins and triplets anyone who has been a parent of multiples can understand this I am sure.  While I was cleaning up one mess there was usually another being made and another I am sure being planned.

Nothing that is marked childproof works with multiples the reason for this is each are thinking with different parts of their brain at all times.  I did not realize this at first of course. My husband and I went through 3 different childproof gates each more complex than the last and of course more expensive. Each time scratching our heads when in a matter of 1 or 2 days they would figure a way out, around over or through it.  We even on several occasions talked about contacting childproofing companies to see if they wanted to hire the children to work for them said if they could make it safe for our grandkids Houdini couldn’t escape it.  Toys were the same thing they could break anything or take it apart and they were just 1, 2, 3 and 5. They are now 9, 10, 11 and 13. They are living with their mom again now. I currently only have a 5 year old in the house and her 37 year old father.

Mating socks was a challenge having this many children, I have always hated mating socks. But then I had an epiphany I decided to color code. I had 3 boys and 1 girl, I went to Target ß-my favorite store and surveyed the sock selection. The oldest boy was in school and needed both black and white socks but I was able to get them in the same style I got 9 pairs of each for him. For the two youngest I got two different color bottoms they were basically white socks with colored bottoms making them easy to match.  For my granddaughter it was easy she loves pink so she got white socks with pink bottoms. Sock mating was now a piece of cake so easy now the 2 and 3 year old could do it for me. Children from the ages of 2-5 love to be helpful and this is a safe job for them to do without much supervision required.

About a year into my adventure a friend of mine introduced me to a website that over the years has helped me take better control of my situation.  The basic concepts are talked about in many self-help home organization books and I am not saying you can’t get this help from any number of the others that are out there. I am just saying this one appealed to me and my way of being able to control the instant chaos that had seemed to have descended upon my household. The website can be found here --> FLYLADY   it is run by Marla Cilley she has found a way to attract over 40 thousand followers. It is a fairly simple concept which can be adjusted to suit almost anyone’s schedule. There is also a list of S.H.E* books written by both herself and others as well as other helpful Ideas, gadgets and gizmos to help you get organized. The bottom line is your house did not get messy overnight it isn’t going to get clean overnight. Also you can do anything for 15 minutes, or if need be adjust your time and do it for 10 minutes, whatever it takes.  Even doing a quick clean-up for 10 minutes non-stop in one room 5 or 6 times a day gives you about an hour’s worth of stress free cleaning time. On her website she talks about hotspot fire drills and 5 minute room rescues but my absolute favorite would have to be Swish and Swipe. With 3 of the little angels being boy’s and boys of course standing up in the bathroom to do their business;  A bathroom can get stinky really quick if you do not stay on it regularly. Who here likes to clean bathrooms? Not Me!  Well with the daily swish and swipe the task becomes a lot less daunting simply because you are basically giving your bathroom a wipe down every day and it is always smelling fresh at least as fresh as a bathroom can be at any given moment.  If you decide to sign up for the website then happy flying it isn’t necessary to sign up to gain the helpful hints which are offered there.  The emails can become overwhelming but there are ways to manage those as well. I just know it helped me to bring my somewhat chaotic suddenly child filled again world back into focus so that my house isn’t always topsy-turvy.  However I am happy my daughter now has the CHAOS** back in her house…LOL

* Sidetracked Home Executives

** Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome

Second Chances

Second Chances….

We nearly had a tragedy in our city this week, but it was a near miss too close for comfort…

Parents got another chance to say I love you, to hug their son or daughter. Some of these same parents may have fought with their teenager before they sent them or dropped them off at school that almost fateful morning.

Another school shooting almost.  This one was way too close to home for me.  I did not know the children involved directly they do attend church with me and were being taught by the youth leaders in our church, I am related to one of these leaders.  He knew this child, (young adult); he knew of his family issues and problems, but no-one saw this coming. I am sure there were clues but no-one picked up on them. No-one connected truly connected with him. I am not pointing the finger at anyone I am just trying to send a message to everyone who has a child who needs our leadership our guidance. We are so very busy as a society with our noses stuck in our phone or on social media pretending to be something we are not that we do not connect with other human beings the way we used to, the way we should. So many parents hope that their children will learn what they need to know in school. However learning begins at home with the people who love them, the ones who are supposed to care about them. Our young people need for us to be present in their lives they need our focus and attention our love, caring and understanding. These children are our future leaders, our Teachers, Police Officers, Doctors, Nurses, Bankers, future Politicians they are also the ones who we hope one day when we are unable to care for ourselves will be there to care for us.  What are we teaching them what are we leading them towards.

We send our children to school thinking they will be safe; however, the way we have taught them at home to interact with others helps to protect them, helps them to know who they should be associated with. But are we teaching them to interact with others or are we too busy.

Think about a typical Saturday with your child let’s start from preschool do we sit down with our children anymore and play games with them? Interact with them on their level play with building blocks show them how to line up dominoes so they learn simple cause and effect. Or do we sit them in front of a TV to watch cartoons and educational shows while we sit at our computers and chat with people we barely know. Do we read bedtime stories to them so they will develop a love for reading, an imagination, a longing for what will happen next in the story? I can still remember my mother reading to us my brother and me when we were very young. The story I remember most was Bambi, no not the movie I remember the actual book which was written long before Walt Disney made it into a movie. I am reminded of this because my son currently reads a big book to my granddaughter at night, he is reading The Wizard of OZ yes there is a book and he is discovering that the movie he knew and loved as a child is very different in the book. Did you know that in the book Dorothy’s shoes were not red? The book came out in 1900 written by Frank Baum 2 years before the Broadway musical and 39 years before the movie. When was the last time you read a book to your children? You have a second chance start to foster their imagination.

What does your elementary child spend their time doing on a Saturday? Do you take them to the park or playground spend time throwing a ball or Frisbee teach them to fly a kite and send messages up the string? Or are they parked in front of a video game possibly depicting violence such as GTA which by the way is rated M for mature but what is the age of maturity? Society says a person becomes an adult at the age of 18 they can pick up a gun and serve our country. Think about your typical 18 year old today one who has spent the last 5 to 10 years parked in front of a violent video game, do you want to hand them a gun?

What is your teenager doing this weekend will you know where they are, who their friends are, what they are doing. When is the last time you made a personal connection with your teenager? What time do they have to be home? Have you met their friends, their friend’s parents? Do you have a set of house rules which everyone including their friends have to follow? Do you know how to reach them where to find them at a moment’s notice? Do you sit down with your teenagers and ask them how their day was? Have family time?

We as the initial leaders the first human connection with our children have to step up to the plate be involved in our children’s lives be in their business. If we are not guiding, molding shaping our children’s lives and minds then I can assure you someone else will. You might not like the shape they become.

Take your second chance before it’s too late, connect with your child. Tell your child you love them and you are there for them. Tell them you are proud of them even with little accomplishments. Give them the desire to succeed! Little accomplishments become big ones.

Take the second chance to fix what may not be right, avert the danger!

Give them a hug!

Pray For Our Future Leaders!

What If???

Have you ever looked back in life and thought about what if...?
Many of us do this usually it is when we find ourselves discontent with what is currently happening in our life. We wonder what if I had stayed in _______ ? What if I had stayed with ______? What if I had married _______ ? What if I had stayed in School? < This is a big one for some!

As I wrote in a previous post a couple of years ago which I have copied to this site titled Looking Backwards I was blessed with the ability to search for and find people easily. This is creepy to some people but it keeps them on my good side. I think in the business or credit industry it is referred to as skip tracing, the ability to take many different pieces of information and bring them all together to find the true location of or contact information for a person.
I have done this research on not only myself but for a few friends as well and for the most part I have found that it was a really good thing we did not choose the other road on some occasions the people or places we chose to separate ourselves from look as though they may have turned out ok ...maybe however we cannot be sure.  Take any one person in your life and really question what if I had not met this person. Think of all of the things which have happened to you because you met this one person.
To get really in depth with this project think about your significant other you know the person you are the most up close and personal with. Do you have children together, grandchildren, common friends?  Now think about your life if you had not met this person who would be missing in your life? Would you be living where you are today or was it because of this person that you live where you are?  How has meeting this person affected others?

For me personally I think about the people who have been affected by my decisions to keep or discard a person in my life. I would like to think I have made a significant positive impact on the people whom I have included in my life. I of course really have no way of knowing if I had an impact on people whom I no longer keep in contact with although I do wonder if any of them ever think of me good or bad it would be interesting to know for some of them others though I know would not be good for me to contact. That is a subject for a future blog though.

I recently spoke to one of my daughters I have 4 of them, 6 children altogether with the 2 boys now men although I did not give birth to all of them I consider them all to be my children, because I truly believe at least in my family there are no steps or halves when it comes to family. Family is what you make it I have close friends whom I consider family.
I had often wondered what this particular daughters life would have been like had I not met and eventually married her father. So I asked her she responded with ....

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE difference

Seriously, huge. As in the galaxies have no end huge

I would be a vastly different person, for one thing"

I asked her if she would have the job she has today her reply was...

"Highly doubt it

I think I probably would have 'fallen in love', got pregnant by the wrong guy, and if I was lucky gotten married, unlucky single mom

Seriously doubt I would've pursued art at all, developed self-confidence, become outspoken and standing up when things are wrong

I would've stayed a quiet mouse, probably would've gone crazy with the whole rebellious thing between 16-18, wouldn't have an associate's degree and halfway to a bachelors"

She went on to say much more but basically as you can see by her initial reply she feels that by the decision to date and eventually marry her father I made a difference in her life.  I don't believe everyone thinks about how they have shaped other people's lives by the decisions they have made in the past. I think people think about the past in regrets more than they actually should. Such as I wish I had had this job or that job, or I wished I had moved to this place or that place, married differently said no instead of yes or yes instead of no.  Everything we have done has led us to where we are today good or bad happy or sad. We cannot look back with too much regret in life for we cannot change what has already happened we can only shape the future. But we can think about how are decisions have shaped the lives of others and if needed make better choices for our future and theirs.

We cannot determine how someone will turn out in life just because of what or who they are exposed to an example of this would be in a story my daughter referenced about identical twin boys raised by an alcoholic father. One grows up an alcoholic, other one never touches a drop. When asked why, both boys have the same answer- 'I watched my father'

I hope to also ask each of my children similar questions about decisions I made which I feel affected them significantly, so I plan to expand on this topic.  I do hope I have given everyone of you reading this something to think about and reflect upon about how our choices shape not only our own lives but also the lives of the people we touch.

I am not an expert by any means nor do I have a degree in psychology I just like to study people and question things in life. When we stop questioning we stop learning and when we stop learning we die.  I welcome your comments and questions I will respond usually within a week as I try to stay busy.    Hope to hear from you!

Looking Backwards

This post was originally written 2 years ago on another blog site in 2014

I wonder sometimes why it is we are never content to be where we are in life. We always seem to find ourselves ever searching ever reaching for the impossible never being satisfied with the here and now the what we have in front of us.

I myself am 53 years old and there are many things that I have yet to do in life and I do hope to do many of these things one day. I would like to see Niagara Falls although I do enjoy quiet peaceful places much more, I think I would like the Falls simply because I love being near the water. I think that I might like to see Hawaii although if I never make it there it won’t be the end all for me either. I live near the beach anyway so I can go anytime I want to. I am sure most of the pictures of Hawaii they show you in post cards are places which are harder to see or much too expensive to travel too anyway.  I may travel one day but if I don’t it won’t be the worst thing in life to ever happen or not happen.

I was blessed or cursed with depending on how you want to look at it, a talent for searching. I am able to search for and find most anyone I set my mind to looking for usually no matter how hidden they are or try to be from me or others. I guess if I were smart I would use these talents and go into a different field such as detective work and make money at it but I chose real estate instead. I search for people as a hobby and to help people when needed.

Anyway I will occasionally use this talent/gift to delve back into my own past and see what has become of old friends and acquaintances and it helps me to realize that sometimes we should be more appreciative of the paths we have chosen in our lives rather than regretting things we didn’t do way back when. Sometimes the things we didn’t do the paths we didn’t choose have led us to be where we are today for a reason. Maybe we should be more grateful we took a different path. Do I miss some of my old friends? Yes I do very much but when I look back to where they are in life and compare it to the places I have been and the places I am going, I know that if I had stayed, I would not be where I am today.

I am trying very hard to learn to be more content in life with what I have I try to slow down and look around me when life seems to be getting too hectic and really take a look beyond myself and watch others struggling with life around them too. I find that simply reaching out to do a small kindness for someone not only surprises people it really makes my day seem lighter too. It doesn’t have to be very much.

If we always do what we’ve always done, We will always be where we’ve always been!
See You Soon!!